Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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