Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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