Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
