I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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