About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
