there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
