kristin has been a bad kristin
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
