i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
