My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
