Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
