my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
