seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
