Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
