Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
