is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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