yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
