I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
