That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
