I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
