ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
