why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
