i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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