My friends, they love my intelligence
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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