i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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