Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did I show you my penis last night?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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