Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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