JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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