Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
