Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
