South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
