Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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