I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
