so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
