i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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