Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
