I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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