a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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