Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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