never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
