I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
