I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
