he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
