I'm gonna have a badass scar
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
