Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
