the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
