They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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So vagazzling was a success
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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