Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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