check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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