have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
