obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
