like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
