I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
