Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
