maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
