If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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