I just pynch a tree in the face
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
