I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
