he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
