I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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