and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
