Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
