my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
