there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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