i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
