My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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