Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
