Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
