I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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