we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
